Be Very Afraid...

How would you like to wake up to this?! Well, who knows, maybe a Yeti is just a monster in bed...UG!

For the Love of a Whoopee Cushion

One of the great things about having a little boy is that you can partake in potty humor and blame it all on him. Today, at the grocery store, I stopped near an area where they have some toys. Of course Sullivan decided he wanted to get out of the cart to look at them. I was busy looking at hippie crackers, you know, those cardboard shingles that are supposed to be so good for you. All of a sudden I hear the biggest "FRRRAAAPPP" sound you ever did hear. Alarmed, I looked over at Sullivan, thinking for sure I would have to make a mad dash to the bathroom with him--there he was on the floor, sitting atop a self-inflating Whoopee Cushion! It was hilarious! A stock-guy who was close by seemed to notice but was not as amused, which of course made me laugh even harder. I decided Sullivan must have the cushion, and he proceeded to sit on it (Fonzie! Sit on It!) throughout the entire store. The kicker was when we got in line, he approached a foreign man in front of us and said, "Look! I'm making a toot!" The guy just looked at him, nodding and smiling. I was laughing so hard I was crying, I could barely hold it together in the grocery store. Who needs the gym? That was great exercise! My Mom once asked me, "Why do we think farts are so funny?" Good question. Actually though, I've always been amazed at how anyone could NOT think they are funny. I guess considering the mother I grew up with, it only makes sense. I mean, she was one big Whoopee Cushion!

Gym Nirvana

Okay, I know a lot of you are going to hate me for saying this, but I love going the gym. Where else can you see your dentist in gym shorts and run into a hottie guy that my husband has taken nudie pictures of, all in one day? (before you start thinking Cory is a pervert, this guy was an aspiring model and it was all his idea!) Another thing I love about going to the gym is that I will work out there in skimpy little things I never would have been caught dead in a year ago. Maybe it’s because getting there 3-4 days a week is actually paying off a bit, or maybe it’s because I just don’t give a damn anymore. Either way, it’s all good. My friend Darcie brought up a good point, too…she said that being a Mom sort of gives you a whole new perspective on such things. As a person who has created a beautiful child, what else is there to prove?? And I might add that having your legs spread to the world while you are screaming and pooping on the birthing table doesn’t leave a lot of room for modesty, either. (see what I mean? Now you know that about me and I don’t care!)

Now, before you go hating me for enjoying my workouts—bottom line is, they really do make you feel soooo good!—I often ‘jog’ away on the Elipse machine wondering how good I would REALLY look if only I stopped eating cookies and potato chips, along with my sanctimonious workouts. But then again, what fun would that be? None of us are supposed to be perfect anyway, right?

Metal Lost and Found

Yet another morning where I am feeling a bit lost...I am lamenting the absence of my guitar player Lori, who will not be able to chat with me on Yahoo for quite a few days. I'm sure she is not lamenting, however...she is flying from her home town of Vaxjo, Sweden to Holland to be a real Rock Star and film a video! She's been doing a side project for a guy named Arjen Lucassen, a guitar player/song writer, pretty-much-does-everything guy who is pretty big over in Europe. A real nice guy, too, which is always a big plus in this business of music. The guy has to be pretty cool to ask another guitar player to play on his project! But how could he resist Lori? She really is amazing, and I feel so honored to be working with her. So of course I'm very happy for her that she is having this opportunity, but who am I going to whine to every morning? I guess in the meantime, you guys are stuck with me.

This summer will mark a year since we first got in contact again. The story of the re-forming of Warbride (see link on right) is pretty amazing, in my humble opinion. One day I was feeling reminiscent, and decided to Google 'Warbride' just to see if there was anything out there written about my old band. Lo and behold, there was--a Warbride.net, to be exact, complete with old photos of me! Aaaak! Check out the hair!(on the main photo, I'm the one in the center) We had so much Rockua-Net in our hair, if anyone had lit a match near us we would have been goners! Needless to say, I was a bit surprised to see all of this on the web, and when I noticed the source of the page, I was even more surprised to see that it was Lori!

I was a bit nervous to contact her, as we did not leave each other on very good terms. You know, the usual catty crap that goes on between girls in the competitive world of Rock and Roll. For me, all of that was water--or Strawberry Boone's Farm wine--under the bridge, and I truly wanted to reconnect with her and find out how she was doing. After all, we were extremely close at one point. Luckily she felt the same way and we both fell right back into our old camaraderie again. I had noticed on her site that she was looking to put together a new Warbride, but honestly I did not even consider anything like that--I just wanted to say hello. Upon leaving the music business back in the early 90's, completely disgusted, I was done. To make a very long story short however, before I knew it, I had agreed to sing in a project that also included our old keyboardist Velia and a drummer named Sandy that was in the band before I was. ( I know, the many drummers...how Spinal Tap!) To make another long story short as of now it looks like it will only be Lori and I, the "Dynamic Duo", we call ourselves, but we shall see. It is always evolving.

With Lori in Sweden, this is strictly a recording project, with no plans of playing live. It's all done over the internet. Lori and I work on songs, she lays down the basic tracks, sends them on to me, and I record the vocals in Jack Pine Savage Studios. (the name we have given our sound booth set-up in Cory's photo studio!) It's been a blast! We are hoping to release a CD by the end of the summer, we shall see how it all plans out. The fun part is we are in control, and the only deadlines we have are the ones we put on ourselves. I'll keep you posted when you can run right out to your local computer and purchase that CD--or download it. :-)

When this first came up, even though Cory was extremely supportive of the whole thing, he said to me, "But you don't really listen to metal anymore!" I realized that back in the day, whatever band I was in and whatever music I sang was My Identity. Now I have nothing to prove, it's all just fun. And it is great fun! I can't tell you how satisfying it is to write songs again, laugh with Lori, and dress in slutty rock and roll clothes for band photos. :-) And since this whole thing began, metal has once again been rearing it's banging head around this house. I've always liked all sorts of music, and never really lost my taste for Metallica...but now it's being played a lot more and the kids are starting to request it. It's pretty funny to hear four year old Sullivan ask to hear Rob Zombie. (I know, not TECHNICALLY metal, but you get the idea!) There I am driving my minivan around with my children banging their heads in the back seat. You gotta love that.

So, Metal that was once lost has now been found. And I have to say, it's been an unexpected treasure.

Divine Insanity

It's just too early in the morning to be witnessing yet another sighting of the Virgin Mary. When will it end, people?! I guess we all see what we want to see. I don't know about you, but I think I need more concrete evidence. Hardy Har.

My husband Cory recently got a book about imovie for the Mac--he wants to learn more about it, eventually make his own little films. I suggested we have our own sighting. How about seeing the Pope in a piece of half-eaten bologna? I can see it now...my son Sullivan happily munching away, completely unaware of the Divine Intervention about to descend upon him and the entire family. We happen to look down at the pressed meat that has a few bites taken out of, and, "Hallelujah!" It's the Pope! We could send smoke signals out of our chimney, maybe I could find a bell around here to ring--just so people are not confused about the matter.

I think I smell an Oscar...or maybe that's just yesterday's half-eaten bologna sandwich sitting in the garbage...

Harry Potter and the Students in the Dungeon

No, Ms. Rowling has not come out with a secret book that only I know about. (but wouldn't that be cool?!) Thursday night is the Peter Hobart Imagination Inventor's Fair, of which my daughter Vivian is involved. She and 2 other friends, Emily and Nathan, decided--with the kind offerings of Nathan's dad--to write and film their own Harry Potter scene, complete with special effects, and then (here comes the science fair part) explain how they did their effects. Yet another cool thing about being a parent, you get to be involved in projects like this. I mean, how cool is that to get to make your own little film, complete with green screen? When I heard green screen, I got all excited. I joked around to Carter (Nathan's dad) that maybe we could do Lord of the Rings, and I could be Eowyn? (and it mostly was a joke) We haven't seen the final project yet, but I'm sure it will be great.

We do have a movie poster that my husband Cory mocked up, it is amazing! But how can it be anything but? My husband is quite talented. Check out his website! He also has a blog , btw. It says some stuff about me, so it's gotta be good. :-)

So! I'm looking forward to the Imagination Fair. I'm sure there will be another ubiquitous exploding volcano again this year.

From Heavy Metal to Hallelujahs

Good idea, Stephanie, I think I will use that as the title of this post...:-) So this morning I had rehearsal for my church contemporary choir. I know what you are thinking. How can this be? How can this person who sings Melodic Metal also sing in the church choir?! Unbelievable, but true. I kind of like to keep people guessing, if you haven't guessed that about me already. But I do wonder sometimes if I really do belong in that church choir...it seems I can't let a rehearsal go by without laughing about the lyrics or title of one of the songs we are singing. Take the song, "We Give You Thanks". (I'd give props to the composer, but sadly, I can't remember his/her name...!) A lovely song, but the lyrics!!! I can't remember them exactly, but one minute we are singing about "the movement deep within us", then comes "the fire that blazes forward", and my personal favorite, "for the fragrance of release"!! Is it just my naughty mind, or are these hysterical?? This morning I was laughing at the list of available songs on the back of one of the pieces of music..."I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb"-- I have this funny vision of standing amidst a flock of sheep with my hand over my heart. "I Know, I Know"--I can't think of this without hearing it in a motherly Jewish accent. "Shut De Do"--is this someone with a bad accent trying to tell someone to close a door? And now I am really laughing, because I was going to tell you about another that I could have sworn was called "Written in Bed" but I now notice is actually titled, "Written In Red". Hey, I can't be the only one, because two other sopranos saw the same thing! Thank goodness there really are others like me out there.

And then there is my alter ego. For those of you that haven't checked it out, here's my Warbride website. It actually needs updating now, as now it is only Lori and I, the Dynamic Duo. :-) We are working on getting sound bites up, new photos, that sort of thing. That and how the whole thing came about will be for another post. For now I must go repent for my evil, evil ways...:-)

Vacationing in Orlando

Let me just say that my husband is the BEST. He lets me have my cake and eat it, too. Okay, maybe not EAT the cake, but I am allowed to drool at it as I gaze lovingly at it’s splendid glory, slowly revolving ‘round in it’s gilded display case. You know of whom I speak. The lovely Orlando Bloom. I know, I know, but remember when I said I refuse to act my age?? Me and a plethora of other 13 year olds think he’s just The Bomb. (is that term still cool, or am I dating myself again?!)

This is really embarrassing, but in all my spare time I just happened upon an Orlando site that has some pretty nice photos. Orlando website I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m not in it for the articles, just the photos. Oh, and of course while I was there I just happened to take the Lord of the Rings Dating Quiz, to see which character I would be most compatible with. Alas, it was not Legolas, but Aragorn. Oh well, better than Gimli, I suppose. But in a Pirates of the Carribean quiz, I was indeed Will Turner. (Orlando’s character, for anyone who has not seen the film) I wonder though, would I really want to BE Orlando? I don’t know. I kinda like being a girl. But anyway, that site is CLEARLY only for the photos for me. And I’ve only been there once. Okay, maybe twice, to check on the quizzes again.

I do so enjoy vacationing in Orlando—but, when all is said and done, there’s no place like home.

A Monkey at the Zoo

The zoo was great. Where else can you see dolphins jump into the air, a Kimodo Dragon (one of my own personal faves), and hear a grown man say to his young children, "Let's get going, the crack of my butt is getting sweaty." Eeeeu! I think a Snow Monkey scratching his bare red ass has more class than that!

Why not?!

My husband recently started a blog and I thought, hey, that might be kind of fun. Of course that KillJoy voice tried to get her two cents in, muttering in my ear, " Why should you? Nobody cares about what you have to say, your life is BORING..." My answer to her was, "Why not?!" If nothing else, I like to hear myself talk. :-) And I suppose there have been more boring lives out there. As a Mommy of 2 great kids who has been married almost 12 years to one great guy, who has a rock and roll past in Hollywood California, has owned a coffee shop in Missoula Montana, has written a script (just for the sake of writing) and is (slowly but surely) working on an idea for a children's book, makes glitter glam jewerly, has a blue belt in Tae Kwon Do, loves all things Tolkien, and has recently reunited with her old guitarist who lives in Sweden and is working on recording a 'melodic metal' CD together, I suppose maybe I do have something interesting to say. :-)

As of today, life feels good. It's a beautiful partly cloudy supposed to get up to 70 day, and I'm taking my son Sullivan to the zoo. I got to sleep in until 7:00--pretty good with a 4 year old--and I've had my beloved coffee. So I'm ready to go. The only thing that is missing is my daily morning chat with Lori, my guitar player. I start almost every day bantering back and forth with her on Yahoo chat, and quite frankly, I feel a little lost if she's not around. What did I do without her for (gulp) 16 years?! God, am I really that old?! Only in years! I refuse to act my age!

Off I go to become one with the wild animals. And then I'll go to the zoo...:-)