The King is alive!

And I don't mean Elvis. I'm talking about King Kong! I'm so excited! This is Peter Jackson's new project. ( For any of you who possibly don't know who Peter Jackson is, he's the wonderful man who brought us all of the Lord of the Rings movies.) I've read that the original King Kong was what first interested him in film making, hence why he chose this movie to re-make. I remember actually seeing the original on a reel-to-reel...my dad was working in the audio visual department at the University of Iowa and brought it home as a treat one night. This was back in the day before video, you know. I can still smell that screen...and remember how if the movie got stuck, it would get a burn mark on it? That always scared me, like someone's face was turning into a monster or something....ok, now that you all know I need therapy...:-) Even though the experience was quite exciting, the movie itself has never been a big deal to me. Nor was the re-make that was done in 1976. But hey, this is Peter Jackson, and I have to say that the trailer looks pretty good!

Evil Tom

Well, it looks like me and everyone else thinks that ol' Tommy has gone over the deep end. Hilarious!! Well, since Scientologists seem to believe that we are descendants of aliens, maybe filming War of the Worlds just sent him over the edge.

Glib

You know, Tom Cruise has really started to bug me lately with his Katie-gushing. If you have read any of my past blog entries, you know this. I mean, I don't want to begrudge anyone their happiness, but come on. He's just embarrassing to watch. And now just to add to the Annoyance Factor, he has told Matt Lauer of the Today Show that he was being 'glib'. Glib! Besides the fact that nobody really uses that word in a normal conversation, for whatever reason, I just hate the word itself. Like jowl. And moist. And Espadrille. It makes no sense, but there are just words that bug me for no apparent reason. I know what you are thinking--how very glib.

Have a Good Bidet!

My friend Stephanie recently went shopping for some kitchen and bathroom fixtures, and came back with a hilarious story about this crazy toilet that washes and dries your ass for you! I've known about bidets, but I had no idea that they were so...well, 21st Century! Stephanie said that this one she saw actually had a motion sensor that raised the seat as you approached it! After you 'go', this little arm wiggles back and forth spraying you with warm water (whatever you do, keep those legs together!) and then it dries you off! She said the thing cost around 5K. Wow. Well, I guess it could be a bargain, when you think of what you would save on toilet paper! Not to be too gross here, but I just have to wonder...is that gentle spray of water really enough to remove all debris?! I was so curious about such an apparatus, that I Googled and found a site called American Bidet. Check it out! This model even has a douche attachment you can buy. For us "liberated women", it apparently is a "pleasure to use any time". I guess they've missed the news that douching can actually cause infection, which is not a pleasure in my book. But hey, for the person who has everything, this would be quite a gift. You really know you are somebody when you don't even have to wipe your own ass.

The Lord of the Ring

I love this! I'll bet, in just the right light, you could probably see a big red eye hovering over the Whitehouse....

Tom and Katie Update!

Well, it's official! I'm so happy to hear that Tom and Katie are truly engaged. Now we can all call them "TomKat", as my friend Lisa generously informed me that they are now effectionately being nicknamed. Wow, as Katie says, dreams really do come true, don't they? You just have to be rich and famous and a size zero to begin with, and then some guy 20 years older than you from Tiger Beat Magazine that you had a crush on in your youth can call your talent agent up and set it up for you to meet. Oh, and don't forget you need to be willing to be brainwashed, too. Hmmmm...I think the rest of us had better stick to kissing our posters in private.

My friend Gabi and I used to practice on my Shaun Cassidy poster, myself. (sorry, Gabi, I hope I didn't just make public an age-old secret there!) But you know, I think it's better to leave that whole Shaun Cassidy thing a fantasy. Oh my gosh! I just realized there is a ShaunCassidy.net!!! As I said, I think some things are better left a fantasy....!!!

Not Amusing...

Just when is an amusement park ride NOT amusing? When people have been hospitalized after riding it, and the ride itself requires air sickness bags. Why would anyone pay like $60 or something to barf?! Now a 4 year old has died after riding this ride. There are reasons why astronauts go through years of training before they are launched into zero gravity. But forget that, let's put a 4 year old on it, and people over 55! Why can't people just be satisfied with Pirates of the Carribean? I guess someone died on that one, too...

Cruisin' for a Losin' (my lunch, that is...)

Why does this bother me so much?? I mean, it's not like Tom and Katie are personal friends of mine or anything. It's not like I even care one bit about either of them, either. She's cute, but so what? And Tom's always kind of bugged me. I've never understood why women think he's so hot. I mean, he's not unattractive, but certainly not in the 'hot' category to me. The only movie I thought he was remotely hot in was "Legend". (yes, I notice that there is a sort of Lord of the Rings-men in armor sort of thing going on here....at least I'm consistent) That was actually a cool movie from the 80's, complete with Tim Curry...but I digress. I actually hope this is a publicity stunt, because if being in love makes Tom Cruise this goofy (I've seen seen footage of him jumping around and pumping his fist in the air in the giddiness of love and it's not pretty) and Katie Holmes this spiritually spineless, than I've really lost all hope for fairytale celebrity couples. Well, truth be told, I guess 'Bangelina' already did that for me. Which reminds me, what ever will the tabloids do? There is no catchy phrase for TOM and KATIE. Tomie? Kam? Maybe they'll use the last names. Crolmes. Or Huise. Still doesn't work. Let's just face it--nothing about this works for me. It's a good thing I really don't care.

Weird Memories

As I walk down Memory Lane, I am reminded of the time I hopped on a bus with Weird Al Yankovic. This was way back in the early 80's. My friends and I listened to the radio religiously, and as probably many of you 'old fogies' like me remember, Weird Al was pretty big back then. He seemed to have one hit after another, making fun of Michael Jackson with "Eat It" and "Fat", or Madonna with "Like a Surgeon". He was hilarious! I'm sure he's probably still around, but since I never listen to the radio anymore I am unaware. At one point he had a song called "Another One Rides the Bus", a spin-off of "Another One Bites the Dust", by Queen. This may have been one of his first big hits.

My friend Gabi and I heard of this radio-advertised publicity stunt in which Weird Al was going to ride a double decker bus around the grand downtown area of Iowa City, whilst playing his accordion and singing the song. We jumped on the boring old city bus and got down to the Old Capitol Mall as soon as we could, hoping to be one of the first lucky few to nab a seat. Somehow we made it on, and we actually got to sit up on the top, which was quite a thrill. Probably more of a thrill than hearing Weird Al play that accordion and stomp his foot down below. I have to laugh when I think of how silly that was--driving around a few blocks and then coming back to the mall just to get back out again. That's all there was to it! But hey. When Sullivan mentioned how he would love to ride in a double decker bus one day, I got to pull out this story about how on one glorious day of my youth, I rode the bus with Weird Al Yankovic. Not that he, or Vivian, would know who the heck he is. But I think it makes me sound kind of important.

Memory Lane in SLP

Ain't life grand? Just when you're feeling like you're in a big, wide world, you meet up with an old friend and realize just how small it really is. Between my 20 (gulp!) year high school reunion and various other circumstances, I have been reconnected with many people over the past few years. I have always been a sentimental fool, but I guess recently I have gotten more proactive about it.

My latest re-discovery has been an old beau of mine, Zachary Vex. (that's actually not the name I knew him as, but to protect the lives of the innocent, I guess I'd better not divulge that old information...it would be just like mysterious Zach to really be a spy, or something...) Since he changed his name quite a few years ago, asking around about him hadn't proved to be very successful. But I finally found a connection and guess what? He lives in Saint Louis Park, too! Crazy. He came over last night and I had to kick him out at midnight. Being single and sans children, he doesn't turn into a pumpkin (or, more like a squash) at midnight like us old married folks do. Turns out he is very successful, the designer and manufacturer of some kick-ass effects pedals. Check out his site,Z.Vex Effects. I guess he has his pedals all over the country, with customers including some pretty big name bands like Aerosmith and the like. It was great fun seeing him again, bringing back lots of memories.

Uranus has a ring, and now Venus Vibrates

Okay, am I the only person who knows what the Venus Vibrance really is?? A razor that vibrates. Hmmmm. And would you look at that handle?! I can't imagine how blades that vibrate are really going to give me such a closer shave, but I can imagine that shaving just got a lot more fun.

Cardio Fool

The class was actually called "Cardio Groove", but this gal was not gettin' her groove on there this morning, let me tell you. I got to the gym fully prepared to just hop on the Elipse machine as usual, but no, I had to go and check the schedule just in case there was a fun class going on. Sure enough, "Cardio Groove" was just starting! Woo! I am not well versed in 'group fitness' classes, so I really had no idea what to expect. All I know is a person can only listen to Metallica while watching people mouth bad soap opera dialogue on the suspended TV screens for so long before they need a change in routine. I figured I had nothing to lose but my dignity. But how bad could it be?? I should have known right away, when we were doing the 'warming up' part at the beginning. There we were, legs spread and bent over with our asses up in the air, squatting up and down so our butts would stick out even more than they usually do. The movie Perfect kept flashing into my head--remember that bad flick with Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta? I believe she was doing that very move, except she was wearing a head band and leg warmers. And of course she looked really good doing it. I don't even want to know how I looked.

Then we started moving. Side to side, adding a step or two. "I can do this", I thought. When the instructor called out, "Grapevine!" I really felt spunky, moving back and forth along with the pros. I just knew years of Swing Choir back in junior high and high school would be teaching me something really useful. But then the instructor started adding the spins, and she lost me. I mean, I could do the Hustle back in the 70's along with the rest of them, but I had more than like a nanosecond to learn the damn thing. After missing about 4 turns, I grabbed my water bottle and practically ran out the door. Hopefully everyone was in mid-turn and didn't notice. Or they were too busy looking at themselves in the mirrors.

So I probably lasted about 10 minutes in that class. Whew! I think I'll stick to my Elipse machine. I probably still look like a Cardio Fool on that thing, panting away with my legs going in circles, banging my head to metal blaring from my cute little pink iPod. But that's okay. I can at least stay on that thing.