Men ARE from Mars

Earlier this week I was reminded once again of the vast difference between men and women. Coming home at midnight from a dinner date with 2 of my girlie friends, Cory asked in awe, "Where have you been for 6 hours?" When I told him that we never left the restaurant, he just could not believe that we could actually sit there and gab for that long. "Was there even a break? A silence?!" he asked. I thought a moment and said, "Only to go pee!"

Cory just can not understand how we women can find so much to talk about. It reminded me of a time, a few years ago, that he met an old college buddy for a beer. I was very excited for him to have a boy's night out, as he rarely does such a thing. He returned from the bar a mere hour and a half later. "What are you doing home already?" I asked in alarm, thinking something horrible must have happened. He just shrugged and said, "We just ran out of things to say!"

I just can't imagine it.

Do You Know Your Flow??

So I'm glancing at the side of a box of Tampax Multipax tampons--don't ask--and what I read there left me a little perplexed. To protect themselves from being sued, there is a chart us ladies need to follow, apparently to keep ourselves from coming down with Toxic Shock. To reduce our risk, we need to make sure we are using the correct tampon that meets our absorbency needs. I always figured, hey--the first few days use the big boys, the smaller ones toward the end. Simple. Never really put much more thought into it. Little did I know the absorbency rate was down to an actual science. According to this side panel, if you bleed 6-9 grams of blood, you use the Regular. 9-12 grams, the Supers. A whopping 12-15 grams, the Super Plus-ers. I would like to know how the heck I am supposed to measure my flow?! How does one know just how many grams of blood one is shedding at any given time?! And just how did they do this test in the first place? Inquiring minds want to know. Or maybe not. It sounds like a bloody mess to me.

It's Apparent You're a Parent When...

...you say something like, "Don't give me that look or I'll send you to your room!" It happened last night, and can you take a wild guess where it happened? 20 points if you said the dinner table. The minute it came out of my mouth I immediately rolled my eyes up to the ceiling and laughed. (and you can imagine how effective my parental command was after that!) It's moments like these where you just have to realize that no matter how hard you try to be a cool rocker chick, when you have kids it's apparent you're a parent.

Proud Mama

Allow me to brag a little here. Sullivan just turned 4 and he's starting to read a bit. He'll pick up words like zoo, the ever-important Mom, Dad, that sort of thing. Of course I am beaming with pride because, for the tender age of 4, that's pretty good in my book! Tonight he really impressed me--for whatever reason, all of a sudden he's obsessed with Amelia Bedelia books. He had a page open and he said to me, "Hey Mom, does this say 'coffee'?" Well, it most certainly did. And people who know me and my love of coffee would recognize just how brilliant that is. :-)

Good Vibrations

I've gotta tell ya, I've got some really good friends. I know I am so fortunate to have so many great people in my life! Six of these friends are in my 'Gourmet Dinner group'--4 couples (including the Coreman and I) that get together once a month (if the stars align and we can all make it work) for dinner, taking turns hosting at each other's houses. It's great fun, and before you think I'm really a cooking snob, let me tell you-- in my Pastor Tim's own words, it's really just an excuse to sit around and drink wine together. Yes, my Pastor is part of this gourmet group. In fact all of these people are from my church. But don't let this scare you. We are anything but a church-y bunch. It seems like no matter what we start talking about, sooner or later the subject turns to sex or poop. My kind of people! Now don't get me wrong--Pastor Tim is wonderful at his job and truly a spiritual mentor, but the guy knows how to let his hair down--and for that I'm thankful! How else could he possibly want to be my friend?

I knew right away Pastor Tim was cool. I hadn't been much of a church-goer, to put it lightly, before Cory and I decided to join ours. We were in a new members class, all gearing up to join, and we had to take this multiple choice quiz of sorts. (luckily we went through it together and it's not like it was graded or anything! I definitely would NOT have passed!) I did the classic thing, wanting to choose one question and then changing my mind at the last minute--and like they always say, I should have stuck with my original one. When Tim read out the one I erased, without thinking I exclaimed in a pretty loud voice, "Damn!" Everybody got quiet and Pastor Tim smiled. At the end of that class he told me about this gourmet group, said that one of the couples had to leave, and would Cory and I like to join?? Completely amazed--I mean, this was a Holy Man wanting to actually be in the same room, without being forced, with a Heavy Metal Heathen such as I--he went on to say as I mentioned above, that it was all an excuse to drink wine, and that he hoped I wasn't offended at that. I had to laugh. How could a person who says Damn in a bible class be offended by a little wine?!

So anyway, our dinner date last night was no exception to the everything-turns-to-sex-or-poop rule. Dawn recently went to Cancun with her family, and was telling a story about how this woman in front of her in the plane was non-chalantely explaining how the customs people opened her suitcase, only to find her vibrator in there. I guess the woman was trying to explain to these non-English speaking customs guys what it was used for, and that it really was harmless and not a bomb of any kind. Hilarious! I can't believe people would actually travel with those things, you are just asking for trouble of this kind. But then again, who would want to go on your vacation without your trusty friend?! I came up with this great idea--I think people should leave their vibrators in the bedside drawers of the hotels, right next to the Gideon bible. Just like with the good book, share the gospel, pass it on. Maybe along with some sex-toy cleaner, mind you. Yeah, I guess that's kind of gross. Not something you want to share. But it sure is a way to never leave home without it, without chancing big embarrassment at the airport. Hey, think of what we probably already share with others just sitting on those bedspreads, that to my horror I've heard only get washed like, once a month. EEEEEU!

I'm thinkin' 'bout good vibrations here, people. Good friends and vibrators. It's all good.