Heavy Metal Hand Sign Abuse!

My friend Stephanie sent me the most hilarious article, out of the Onion--all about the abuse of using the Heavy Metal hand sign. (remember that photo I had in a previous blog entry, of that little devil-child using the sign? Clearly abuse!) I didn't include the entire length of the article, but pasted the most juicy bits below:

---In an emergency session Tuesday, members of the Supreme Metal Council strongly condemned the increasing use of the metal hand sign in lay society, claiming that its meaning has become perverted by overuse. "The metal sign, or 'sign of the goat,' has all but lost its impact as a token of respectful recognition for something truly 'rocking' or 'metal,'" SMC president Terence "Geezer" Butler said. "We have all heard the reports of people using it to greet their in-laws, or after starting their lawn mowers with a single pull," Butler said. "But recently it was brought to our attention that someone used the gesture in a Texas convenience store after snagging the last box of carrot cakes. This simply won't do."

"This man here, (see above photo) who invokes the sign merely to indicate his joy that his microwave popcorn is done: He is not metal," said Nikki Sixx, of the band Motley Crue.

"A lot of people who incorrectly make the sign have traces of metal in their hearts and minds, they just need the proper direction," Added Dave Mustaine, of Megadeath fame.

"If your head is neither banging nor thrashing, you should not be throwing the sign," Butler said. "It's that simple."

The council discussed several harsh punishments to deter further metal-sign abuse. Paulo Pinto, bassist for the Brazilian thrash-metal band Sepultura and Overlord Of International Metal Affairs, suggested that the hand of a suspected signer should be immediately cut off. A contingency of death rockers from Gothenburg, Sweden recommended that any sign abuser, or anyone who is not sufficiently metal, should be forced to eat his severed hand while having his eyeballs burned with a superheated metal crucifix, and then be slowly skinned alive.---

Whew. It's good to know that since I am in Warbride, I could most likely get away with an occasional use of the sign. I'll have to really try hard, though, not to use when rejoicing about some really rockin' sweet potatoes I've made, or to my church choir director when she once again commands us to sing about the 'fragrance of release'...