Das Boot! A Shoe Saga of Epic Proportions

Why does it seem like most of my sagas these days involve shopping? WARNING: Long and drawn out saga. For the fashion-challenged or men who are not gay, read at your own risk.

Chapter One: Suz decides she needs a new pair of boots. The ones she's had and loved for years are really wearing out. They are still comfortable, mind you, but looking pretty shabby. Momma needs new boots. She decides that because she has had black ankle boots for a while now, maybe calf or knee high may be nice, maybe some suede, probably not black. She goes to DSW, the giant shoe store that you would think would always render a successful shop but quite often just ends up frustrating a person (I've heard this is a tale told by more than just me!) and is surprised to indeed find something very interesting--a pair of calf high green suede boots! Success! To add to the excitment, she has a coupon that DSW gives out when you spend a ton of money at their store, so she even gets a deal on top of it! Yeah!

Chapter Two: Suz brings home the boots, excited to show her husband. He gives her that look like, "I just don't get it." No matter, his opinion doesn't really count anyway. She wears them the very next day. In wearing them she discovers that walking from here to her son's preschool, which is one house and one parking lot away, she is already getting blisters on her heel. Not a good sign. The boots have to go back.

Chapter Three: Sadly, Suz takes the fun green boots back into DSW. She looks and looks for a replacement, but nothing is striking her fancy. Oh the bane of DSW! So much to choose from, so little that one actually likes or fits well. Sadly, and not willing to settle, she decides just to return them. In the process, she loses the $25 coupon she had finally received in the mail. Sigh.

Chapter Four: Good friend Darcie tells Suz that she will bravely shop with her for something to wear to a rock and roll party (see previous blog entry!) and little does she know, in doing so unwittingly gets sucked into the Boot Saga. After the triumph of finding a cool blouse, Suz uses the confidence and extra shop time to look for the Perfect Boots. Alas, she can't find anything in any store in that mall that is either something she likes, or is in her price range. It's time to stop messing around. It's time to hit Nordstroms.

Chapter Five: Suz enters Nordstroms, feeling hopeful. For anyone who isn't in the know, Nordstroms is known for it's shoe department. Wall to wall shoes! Shoe Nirvana! The trek out to Mall of America was unavoidable, it seems. Within a few minutes, she finds something interesting...light blue suede calf high boots! (move over, Elvis!) They were pretty darn cool, although just a BIT snug. But they definitely had promise. Susie decides that before she buys them, though, she'd better look all around and make absolutely sure they are The Ones. She then spies some other boots that are very cute--but they are black, and they are ankle boots. These, unlike the blue ones, seemed more comfortable, and were also weatherproof. More practical and had more staying power as far as durability and practicality. What to do?! It was quite the quandry. The woman must have sat there with a different boot on each foot for at least half an hour. She finally decides to go with the safe black boots, thinking in the long run, she may be happier. She gets home and her husband says, "That's it?! I thought you didn't want black ankle boots again?!" He shakes his head and Suz can't shake her feeling of regret.

Chapter Six: Susie has acquiesced to the practical black boots, and has worn them here and there, not entirely thrilled, but thinking eventually all will be well. One day she puts them on and walks to Browndale Park, probably about 5 blocks away. By the time she gets home her feet are burning! Lesson learned: just because boots are expensive does NOT mean they are comfortable! Dissapointed beyond belief, Susie considers ebay and wonders if she'll ever find a pair of boots she can live with. It's back to the old beat-up ones in the meantime.

Chapter Seven: 3 weeks later, Susie and friends visit the apple orchard. She spies some amazing boots on this woman--knee high--black, mind you, but suede, complete with buckles. Eyes wide, she mentions them to her husband. The husband replies that he did indeed notice them already and did not want to tell his wife because he knew she would notice them and he thought they were butt ugly. Wife laughs but still looks on in longing.

Chapter Eight: All of a sudden, Suz remembers another reason to love Nordstroms--their amazing return policy! Maybe, just maybe, she can still return those boots! With nothing but the bag they came in, Suz apprehensively enters the store and puts the muddied boots with no receipt or box onto the counter. Without a second look the woman tells her that not only could she look for something else, she could get cash back if she wanted. Hallelujah! All is not lost! With her determination, Susie sets out once again for the right boot. Suddenly, the choir of angels sings once again as she spots the apple orchard boots standing there in all of the their glory! They fit, they are incredibly comfortable, they are even more expensive than the last pair, and the husband will hate them! Success! With only a moment's trepidation, Suz hands over the money to cover the extra cost. Somehow, at that moment, it seems like the boots are ridiculously cheap.

Chapter Nine: The husband has given up trying to understand his wife's taste. Try as he might, he can NOT understand what she sees in the glorious boots. But friends are complimentary, Suz loves them, and the boots are so comfortable she doesn't even want to take them off in the house. Wearing them out the very next day, someone stops her in Panera and asks her WHERE did she get those boots?! Mission accomplished. Susie and her boots walk off blissfully into the sunset, with nary a blister between them.

The End

---If any of you actually took the time to read this and found this story interesting, you are as bad as I am!!!!